It's what I would call progress

I have a crush on someone. That's not really news, but this is: my admiration for this guy was not sparked by attraction to his looks. Instead, this crush grew from admiration of his honest mind. He's brilliant, smart, a Harry Potter fan, and an avid reader. He's a wonderful blogger and his writing is impeccable. He's my age and he and I are from the same country.

Where did I find him? Tumblr. What's his name? Ask me not.

He's admirable because of his passion for reading. He's not a literature major, and yet he reads more than I do. I will admit, his writing style's better than mine. His passion is what makes me admire him.

For once, I do not like a guy for his handsome face or charming smile... For once I felt something for someone using something other than my foolish eyes.

Personally, this is what I would call progress. Gone is the girl who hungered for attention and affection from a handsome man. A mature young woman taught her to turn her eye from the physical and direct them to the word that came from that physical being.

The Sheldon Cooper Juxtaposition

Sheldon Cooper is an asexual being. That is, he is sexually attracted to neither women nor men. He dedicates himself to his intellectual pursuits, to science fiction, to video games and to comic books. He's happy and content with the kind of life he has. Romance is of no importance.

That said, I could learn a thing or two from Sheldon. I may not have a relationship, that doesn't mean I have to feel lonely or miserable. I don't even have to worry about whether or not I'll ever find somebody. The way I should look at it is this: If I find somebody, then, wow, I'll be eternally thankful for that. And if I don't, then I'll be fine.

Looking at the kind of life I have right now - being a busy student working to earn a degree in order to be well-off - a romantic relationship isn't really on top of my Needs List.

I better enjoy myself right now - with reading, writing, keeping myself out trouble, being a nerd, and being happy.

Being a Sheldon Cooper in my last year as a teenager and as a young woman in her early 20s probably wouldn't be so bad.

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10 Most Awesome Things About 2010

Okay, so I would have to admit that 2010 isn't exactly the most awesome year for me, so creating this list was not as easy as ABC.  Despite the bad things that happened, I choose to look back on the good things that did happen, and this list counts down the 10 most awesome things about 2010.

10. Creating my Tumblr Page

- Tumblr redefined the paradigm of blogging. It brings me joy, laughter, and entertainment. I even got to meet  cool people this year because of the Tumblr Meet Up last June 25. Furthermore, the cool photos being blogged and reblogged actually inspire my inner photographer, so that's pretty awesome.

9. Rekindling the DEGRASSI fan in me

- Back when I was 12 years old, I watched the first season of DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION and fell in love with the unique show. Unfortunately, though, I never got to watch the seasons that came after, but I kept myself (close to) updated through the internet. And, the internet also gave me the opportunity to actually watch the things I've missed. I even spent most of my summer vacation with Degrassi marathons.

8. Expanding my personal library

- I spent thousands of pesos this year buying numerous books for me to read. Whether it's a book for school or personal pleasure, shopping for them was my version of retail therapy. Books are my source of joy, calm... they're my safe haven.

7. Owning a laptop

- Okay, so it's not brand new. But I am thankful for having it. It's been a great convenience to me, especially when it comes to doing school work and doing something fun.

6. Discovering the photographer in me

- I'm blessed that my dad's friend lent me a DSLR camera for me to use for my Journalism class. Honestly, though, I've used the camera for discovering my personal interest in photography. I'm still a beginner, mind you, but it's something I want to develop as an interest, maybe even as a talent. Hey, who knows? I'll probably become a writer/photographer one day. 

5. Turning 19

- Here I am, an age that borders between adulthood and adolescence. Being 19 for the past six months has been quite a ride - there's the inner fear of having to leave childhood behind and face the phony world of adulthood. (Catcher in The Rye much?) I then think about the amazing possibilities life has to offer and that inner fear fleets.

4.  The release of  A THOUSAND SUNS, NIGHTMARE, and LIVE IT UP

- Linkin Park came out with an awesome album tat showcased their versatility as artists. Meanwhile, Avenged Sevenfold's highly anticipated album since the death of their drummer Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan. Lastly, American Idol season 9 winner Lee DeWyze  released his major record label debut album. The release of these albums is an awesome thing because all year long I looked forward to the new music these albums have to offer.

3.  The release of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1

- Ever since the book came out in 2007 I have been looking forward to its movie adaptation. Anybody who has read my blogs on the movie will know why this is on the list.

2. Becoming a huge fan of the TV shows The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, and Glee

- Prior to 2010, though, I've heard of these shows - as a matter of fact, I've been watching How I Met Your Mother before - but this year I got to truly watch these shows. In doing so, I got to appreciate them. For instance, The Big Bang Theory allowed me to appreciate my inner geek... and it's okay to be a geek. You're just being yourself. On the other hand, How I Met Your Mother allows me to be in touch with my romantic side - the side of me that fantasizes about meeting The One, falling madly in love, getting married, and telling your two children how you met the love of your life. And finally, there's Glee. It's one of the most watched television shows. It's entertaining with its humor and music. My viewing pleasure was indeed pleasing (and awesome) because of these shows.

And the most awesome thing about my 2010 is...

... becoming a staff writer for Gasera

- The last time I became a campus journalist was in senior year of high school. Freshman year I tried out for the university's official publication and the fact that I was not accepted sort of hindered me from trying again. This year, though, I threw caution to the wind and just went with the desire to share my passion for writing by showing people what I can do. I will admit: my path as a staff writer hasn't always been smooth - I've had moments where my dedication was questioned, but for the most part, I've had an awesome time doing what I do best and sharing it with others. And the best part is when people tell you that they appreciate what you like... that's the best reward.

So now I look forward to 2011. 

And I'll just let this picture I found in Tumblr speak for itself:

The "Just Friends" Satisfaction

"Should my heart rejoice because we're friends or should my heart break because that is all we will ever be?"

My conversation last Tuesday afternoon with one of my classmates made this thought come into mind when she and two other classmates found out I used to have feelings for one of my guy friends.

They even thought he and I would be great together, considering we have a lot in common. Even in the past, I've heard the teases from my friends that... um... said guy and I would make a great couple. It's a sweet, comforting thought. But I feel like it's more complicated than that.

Nevertheless I am content that he and I are friends. I usually don't end up being friends with guys that I like, so the friendship that he and I have is what I would call progress (and a blessing). And I am happy that he and I are friends - that means we're in each other's lives. Come to think of it, we're almost-but-not-quite like a couple, except there are no touching, expectations of any sort, unsanitary exchange of saliva, or sappy sweet nothings. I'm fine with that.

If he and I are meant to be, something will be done by someone (either of us) to make things happen. Right now, I just don't think it's in the cards.

"You want a piece of me?"

Sometimes, as much as I'd like to forget about (forgive me if I come off as crass) the crap from my past, people bring it up and the memories come back like the Ghost of Christmas Past. When this happens I try not to lose my cool by getting mad or defensive. I only wish people don't bring the stuff up in the first place.

For instance, as I was on my way out of school last Saturday, a classmate whom I was leaving with pointed out that a guy I used to like was nearby and we were about to cross paths with him.  And I thought that was the end... but she went on by telling me that the guy's girlfriend was a Teacher Education student majoring in English. She then goes on to joke that I may have a shot with him someday. I told her of the fallacy of the statement, but she thought I was being defensive and that I was actually being hopeful or something.

I'm not. I've done a pretty good job of moving on, and it helps if people would cease their assumptions that I still have lingering feelings for a guy who is happy in his relationship. I'm not pathetic enough to wish he and I were together. I'm doing just fine having let go and I would do so much better if people would also let go.

People are free to believe whatever they want, as long as they have solid basis for those beliefs.  So, people can believe what they want to believe about me as long as they have facts to back them up... and as long as they don't try to rebuild bridges I have already burned. Then again, that last part may not come easy.

And as Lady Gaga once said, "People are always gonna talk. So we might as well give them something to talk about."

Points of Authority

Usually, I would use my own words to describe what I'm feeling or thinking regarding what's going on in my life. Tonight, though, I figured I'd just use the lyrics to Linkin Park's "Points of Authority"  to express what I'm feeling. Whether I am referring to a friend or a family member, I'm not going to say. I'll let the mystery linger.

Points of Authority

by Linkin Park

Forfeit the game

Before somebody else

Takes you out of the frame

And puts your name to shame

Cover up your face

You can't run the race

The pace is too fast

You just won't last

You love the way I look at you

While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through

You take away if I give in

My life

My pride is broken

[Chorus:]

You like to think you're never wrong

(You live what you've learned)

You have to act like you're someone

(You live what you've learned)

You want someone to hurt like you

(You live what you've learned)

You want to share what you have been through

(You live what you've learned)

You love the things I say I'll do

The way I hurt myself again just to get back at you

You take away when I give in

My life

My pride is broken

[Chorus]

[Forfeit the game

Before somebody else

Takes you out of the frame

And puts your name to shame

Cover up your face

You can't run the race

The pace is too fast

You just won't last]x2

[Chorus]

[Chorus:]

You like to think you're never wrong  

Forfeit the game

(You live what you've learned)

You have to act like you're someone 

Forfeit the game

(You live what you've learned)

You want someone to hurt like you 

 Forfeit the game

(You live what you've learned)

You want to share what you have been through

(You live what you've learned)

The Apprentice-like Semester

RESPONSIBILITY - I have plenty of it on my plate this semester, especially the weeks leading up to the prelim exams. Where do I even start in listing those responsibilities when I have so much?

I'll just start with the biggest and longest one: being the Editor-in-chief/group leader for our newsletter publication for Journalism class. I'm guessing my group mates chose me to be the leader because of my experiences as a campus journalist, though I've never actually gone as far as being the EIC. Also, they probably think that I can do it, so it is up to me to not let them down.

My responsibilities include collecting funds for getting our materials printed, assigning tasks, editing materials, and making sure every member on my staff in The Catalyst does her job.

The idea of naming our publication The Catalyst came when I was thinking of something cool and creative Linkin Park has come with. I ended up with the simplest of their song titles. And although I thought of calling our publication "Iridescence" - derived from the band's song "Iridescent" - I didn't want any issue with pronunciation.

This is a responsibility tagged on me for an entire semester. Thankfully, I have members I know I can rely on to step up.

While I'm on the topic of being a leader of a group for an entire semester, I found myself being the head of a four-member group for my English for Specific Purposes class. This one I'm not too happy about because this class is one that I, frankly, do not like, with its implications that it'll helpful if I become a teacher. Bah, humbug!

My other upcoming responsibilities include attending events for our university's foundation day (for "journalistic" purposes), writing an article for Gasera, working on requirements, and writing for personal project.

This is a lot more than I can normally handle, but maybe this is m chance to do some growing up... you know, that whole being mature and stuff. I know that I have A LOT of growing up to do, and sometimes I refuse to, like I'm Holden Caulfield or something. But the time has come to become a responsible adult, and I better seize the chance.

The End of a Journey... Begins (a review on Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1)

'The Boy Who Lived' remains a symbol for each we are fighting for: the triumph of good, the power of innocence, and the need to keep fighting.

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows is not like any other Harry Potter films the world has seen. It's the climax of the ultimate battle between good and evil in the wizarding world. With his mentor and possibly the greatest wizard of all Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter must seek the remaining Horcruxes and destroy them in order to defeat Lord Voldemort once and for all. But nowhere is safe. With Voldemort and his Death Eeathers taking over the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, nowhere is safe for Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

As a literature major, I was able to appreciate the film's emotional intensity by trying to put myself in the characters' situations. This is what is called "vicarious experience". I felt the pain of Hermione as she was about to leave her family in order to join Harry and Ron in their quest. I felt Ron's frustration and worry towards his family's safety as their chances of finding the rest of the Horcruxes are as good as finding a needle in the haystack. I also felt Harry's lifelong loneliness of not having parents. I never experienced any of Hermione's, Ron's, and Harrry's experiences, but the presentation in the film was so good that I was forced to empathize.

On the other hand, I was sort of able to relate to some scenes, like when Ron's deepest, darkest insecurities taunted him right before he was about to stab the horcrux with the sword of Gryffindor. I also saw a little bit of my personal life during the Ron/Hermione moments. However, if I were to elaborate on these things, I'd do it in another writing.

The mood of the film was, for the majority of it, serious. Deaths occur and the trio have nowhere to go to and no one to turn to without risking that person's life. However, the film has its humor, which is good because if the movie didn't have any humor then it would've been a boring movie. Besides, the humor and the scene where Harry and Hermione share a dance show that at even the darkest of times, one can still choose to be happy.

While I give the film a 9 out of 10, I wish there were some things in the film that should have been elaborated. For instance, the character of the Dursleys didn't come full circle. There was no change from being people who looked at Harry as a waste of space to someone they actually care about. It would've been great if the film showed this change in Dursleys, just saying.

Furthermore, I wish the film had presented more background story of Kreacher and why he comes off as bile and oftentimes mean. If only we had seen what truly happened with Regulus Black and Kreacher when they sought to take the horcrux, then the outcome would've given audiences a better understanding of Kreacher as a character.

If these things had been done, then Deathly Hallows would've been the perfect movie. But then again, as we all know, nothing is perfect.

Part one of Deathly Hallows is done and now we have to wait eight months to get through before THE final Potter movie comes out. The question is: are true-blooded Harry Potter fans ready for the end?

Credit go to the following for the images used in this post:

Love Unchained

Everything Harry Potter

The "After Graduation" Formulation

Read every book in my personal library.

That's something you don't hear very often when asking a college student what he or she plans to do after graduation. In my case, that's what I see myself doing, at least for some time.

After I graduate, I want to take some time off to try to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Writing is amazing, but as of late, I need a back-up plan. So, after graduation from college, I'll do some writing that will hopefully be published next time, write some articles for a company maybe (I'll work from home, perhaps), and most of all, take some time to read the books I have shelved in my library.

College is four years of assignments, tests, lectures, unpredictable instructors, term papers, etc. and sometimes it's difficult finding time for yourself. When I graduate I'll go out to do things that I dream of doing while I still have the energy to do them.

I want to avoid becoming one of those people who work and work, but never find the time to enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Maybe this is my Road Not Taken. Maybe this is how my life is supposed to turn out. But if things will have to go my way, then I'll make everything I said happen.

Let's Get Physical

There's a buzz going around our class about going to the gym. Now, I don't really know if I should be joining in on that bandwagon. 

Then again, I really want to give this whole gym thing a try, out of my need to attain the kind of body that I desire.

I look at people like Heather Morris or Aly Michalka and instantly, I want their toned arms and rock-hard abs. I probably seem vain by admitting that I want to go to the gym just so m body would fit my idea of a perfect body. That is a little true.

But another reason I have for wanting to go through this "gym bandwagon" is my want - and need - to stay fit. In all honesty, this is only secondary reason. 

There are things holding me back, though. First of all, the money I would spend is not money I personally earn. I know that money in this family is a little tight, even if my parents don't say it. So, I wouldn't want to casually spend their money when fact of the matter is, it can be spent on more things. And wouldn't it be more fulfilling if the money I spend in paying for gym services is money I earned? When I do start earning my own dough, then I can probably start spending them on things I want for myself.

Secondly, there's an issue with time. I'm not exactly the Michael Phelps or LeBron James of Time Management, but how do I squeeze in time for the gym between school, eating, reading, sleeping, writing, and slacking off now and then?

Maybe time and money wouldn't be a big deal. I'll probably do this whole gym thing and in doing so, it's a win-win situation: I get the body of my deepest desires and I get to spend time with some friends while I'm at it.

Creativity: Not Meant to be Forced

These past nights I've been forcing myself to get my writing creativity going now that I am working on my essay compilation (watch out, world). 

Well, that turned out to be a bad idea since art mustn't be forced. Besides, if truth be told, I honestly have nothing to write about. On the other hand, I do have a lot to read. A LOT. And so I figured I'd just read and read while I have nothing to write and write. There are only a few days left in my sem break so I may as well spend my free time reading.

Come second semester I'll have plenty to write about. I'm pretty sure there will be plenty for me write about anyway. New, possibly memorable, experiences will inevitably come and I'm going to have to write about them. In the meantime, I'll just read about Robert Langdon, English literature, and whatever tickles my reading fancy.

Stories of The Semester: Engl12 - English Literature

My passion - well, ardent interest - in literature is one of the reasons I took up English a a course. As a writer, I believe that my knowledge on literature helps me with my craft. I also figure that if I ever end up in the field of education I would educate people with literature. So it's pretty obvious that this is the subject I really cared about. It's the subject I wanted to be the best at. I read most, if not all, the reading assignments; I worked my ass off when it came to group reports as well.

While my prelim and midterm grades were both below my expectations, I didn't let that fact get to me. Even if I didn't have the best marks in class, I didn't lament over it because I was having fun as I learned tons about English Literature (even English History). This semester I learned how to stop being a grade-conscious student. I just wanted to be happy because I was gaining knowledge. Even if the semester is over, I'm actually doing some reading of works of authors we didn't discuss during the fleeting time we had in class.  believe that's a good thing - me doing some reading on my own because I want to satisfy my hunger for learning... and wow, am I nerd!?

But I don't that the time I had in this class is comparable to a trip in Disneyland. I had my fair share of shortcomings, like the time I did a report on the Romantic Period. Prior to my report, I had a bumming day. Before the day of my report I disappointed the people at our college publication because I failed to show up at this important event. They were mad and disappointed at me, and so was I. I was mad and disappointed at myself for the way things turned out. So I was out of my element during the next day - somber mood and a tough time concentrating on what needs my attention.

I ended up lacking information in my report. It was short and as mediocre as Kristen Stewart's acting in the Twilight movies. (Hold your fire. I like K-Stew... not just as Bella. I do despise Twilight, though.) When my classmates or instructor would ask a question, I would give dull, almost incoherent answers. I seriously was on the verge of tears, with the dead air and the look on my instructor's face (she almost looked as if she just wanted to shoot me for looking like a dumbass). As I stood in front of everyone, I waited for a black hole to eat me up. But that didn't happen so I just had to take in the humiliation. I, a supposed 'best' in class, stood there like a blundering idiot. The only thing to do was to just let it be.

After that day I just simply kept moving forward and not let what happened mess with my mind. I kept intact my interest in the subject and my goals in front of me. That's the thing about life - even if you trip and fall or slip and land on your behind, you always have to get back up. 

True grace is not avoiding the fall, it's getting back up after the fall.

Reading, reading, reading!

Maybe the reason why I have nothing to write about is the fact that I have no personal experience to write about... at least, nothing that's new.

Reading - that's something I've been doing a lot lately.Reading, reading, reading. There's just so much for me to read and I sometimes feel like I don't have enough time in the world (which is completely illogical because the key problem and - ironically - solution is time management).

Maybe one of the reasons why I feel like I don't have adequate time to read is that I put so much on my plate.

Ah, I guess I just have to find fun and happiness in what I do. I suppose I just need to relax - I don't do that enough. Almost everything I do must be planned out, or made into some form of routine, or patterned. I lack a spontaneous element in my personality. Maybe I ought to change that.

GLEE Hits a Serious Note with "Grilled Cheesus"

The "Grilled Cheesus" episode of Glee got me to reflect on life and the concept of God and faith. Most people know me as an agnostic, but lately I've warmed up to the idea of there being a higher power, one that is too great for me to fathom. I realized that life has too many ineffable events and us human beings will not always be able explain them. I acknowledge the existence of a being that is too great for any one of us to describe with certainty.

I no longer object to the concept of a deity. I am just appalled by the self-righteous organized system of belief and its double standards, their "you're with us or against us" mindset. If my disgust towards religion is arrogant, then that's fine by me. I'm as arrogant as the people who condemn those who don't believe in God the way the former do. They're the same people who refuse to meet reality halfway with their outdated - not to mention narrow-minded - way of thinking, the same people who say you are doomed for eternity if you don't conform to what they say.

Should I believe in a God whose followers insist on discriminating against people because of their sexuality or their way of thinking that leans a little more towards science? I would rather believe in a God that knows no sexuality and forgives all sins. I would rather believe in a God who is more pleased when his followers help the poor or take care of the Earth and the ones that live in it rather than spending an hour in a scripted ritual that has been done for millenia.

I may not believe in the God that Catholics talk about, but I believe in the goodness of man. I believe in love. And maybe these things came from a being greater than all of us.

Now, if you haven't scene the episode I am referring to in this blog, check out this YouTube video I found. Maybe after watching these scenes, Christians will be more respectful towards atheists and agnostics.



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