"Expect a change in variables..."

"I thought I had my life mapped out, but then I remembered... always account for variable change..." - (Ben Campbell, "21")

Don't ask me where I see myself five years from now... I'm not so sure. Before, my plan seemed clear, simple as it was: become a published writer. I'm all for the motivating speeches as "chase your dreams" or "believe that dreams come true"; however, lately, I've come to realize that my dreams need to strike a balance with reality. What I need to do is make realistic dreams (paradoxical, I know).

As the first half of my college life finishes its course, a feeling of uncertainty begins to grow in me. I feel like I don't want to finish school just yet because quite honestly, I don't know what I will do after I get my diploma. I probably feel this way because of fear of the unknown, but then just like other things in life, you have to look out for things that could alter your plan.

When I graduated from high school two years ago, I had a plan. Now, life is somewhat forcing me to abandon my plan and to pursue another one. It's like non-linear equations: you have to expect a change in variables.

Out-of-Place Experience

When I was a high school freshman, I really didn’t have what one would call “true friends”. I went from one circle of friends to another. This is what I consider to be an experience wherein I felt out-of-place.

There is one particular experience, however, during that time where I felt completely out of place. There was this particular group of girls I thought I would be friends with—they were sort of cool and bad ass and all that—but apparently one of the girls got the others to turn against me and not include me in their little group.

But I’m thankful I never ended up being friends with them. If I did become friends with them, I don’t think I would like my self for that.

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Crush by Jennifer Paige

“It’s just a little crush/ Not like I’ll faint every time we touch/ It’s just some little thing/ Not like everything I do depends on you…”

All I was feeling was simply a crush—a physical attraction towards someone from the opposite sex. That was all. There was no need to blow it up out of proportion.

That was summer of ’09 for me—a time when someone walked into my life by chance and (to say the least) caught my attention.

Eustress (100th blog post)

There are various things that help me cope with stress. First and foremost, music is the most helpful one. I can just lie down or sit back, put on my headphones, and let the music take me to tranquility.

Secondly, a good book to read helps me cope with stress. When I get into the story, I forgot about my world for a moment and enter the story.

Lastly, writing is always helpful to me in coping with stress. As a matter of fact, I write about what makes me stressful and somehow I’m loosened from that stress. Writing comes by naturally, for the most part, so it helps me get rid of stress.

So what about you? What is helpful to you in coping with stress?

Literary Piece: Who I Am, Who I’m Not, and Who I Want to Be

Originally written: October 14, 2009

I’m a quirky girl. Sometimes people think I’m weird because of that.

I’m an optimist. Most of the time, I look at the bright side and abandon negativity.

I’m passionate about music and writing. My life focuses on those two, among some things.

I’m shy. I tend to keep to myself when I’m around strangers.

I’m imperfect. There are things I do in excess or in deficiency.

Will you take me for who I am?

I don’t cook. I probably can’t fulfil your dream of having someone do everything for you.

I’m not eloquent. I don’t say the perfect things.

I don’t have a physique of a model. Maybe I’m not someone you can brag to your friends.

I’m not the best in school. I don’t own a spot at the Dean’s List nor do I have a perfect line of nine.

I don’t always make the best choices. I inevitably make mistakes sometimes and I let people down.

Will you still take me for who I’m not?

I want to be a writer. The words I write will change someone’s life. I want to inspire people.

I want to be in love. Everyday I wish for love and everyday I dream of love.

I want to be someone who can make a difference. There’s no purpose in idleness.

I want to be good enough. Everything would all be in vain if it weren’t.

I want to be the best that I can be. The moment I stop chasing that, everything would be worth nothing.

Will you take me and help me become who I want to be?

I’ll take you for who you are, who you’re not, and who you want to be… will you do the same for me?