“Relatusphobic” is not a universally accepted word, so allow me to explain. “Relatusphobic” comes from the words “relatus” (Latin, which mean ‘relation’) and “phobic” (in its noun form, ‘phobia’, which comes from the Greek word ‘phobos, meaning ‘fear’). In its simplest form, “relatusphobic” may be ascribed to a person who inexplicably and illogically fears any form of relationship. The best form of relationship the word may be attributed to is that of a romantic one.
One or two of the following may hypothetically signify that you are relatusphobic (romantically):
1. You avoid any contact with the person you “like”, no matter how tempted you are to get acquainted.
2. If you are friends/acquainted with the person you “like”, you avoid any chance of elevating your relationship into something romantic.
3. You tell the other person that you want to be “just friends” or you don’t want to “put a label” on “whatever it is” the two of you have.
4. You keep yourself busy with school or work, recreational activities like video games or outdoor activities, or any form of activity that would lead you into thinking that you don’t need a romantic relationship.
5. For no apparent reason you turn down someone who’s courting you.
6. Contrary to what you’re fiercely feeling, you tell yourself not to get in a relationship by rationalizing and approaching the situation analytically. In other words, you convince yourself that you are in no way feeling any emotion parallel to love or the like.
Using the aforementioned definition of the term and my reflection of my personal life, I consider myself a relatushphobic. Contrary to my imagination’s frequent creation of daydreams and subconscious dreams of romance with the opposite sex, reality suggests that I am not ready for such. Time and again my actions have disproved my fantasies.
Exhibit A: When I develop a “liking” for a person from the opposite sex, I tell myself to “take a chance” and befriend him. But after giving some thorough thinking on the notion, I would back out. Thoughts such as “he’s not worth it” or insecurity-driven ones like “you’re not good enough” hinder me from befriending the person.
Exhibit B: When I do get to befriend the person I’ve developed liking for, at some point I, in an unspoken manner, end the friendship by heartlessly ignoring the person. The habit is brought upon by the pretense that if I get too close to the person, the relationship will elevate and I feel that I am just not ready for it.
With these evidences, I have come to the conclusion that I have deluded myself to the idea that I am not ready to go through the human experience of romance and maybe even love. The truth is that I’m afraid to go through the human experience of love. I lived most (if not totally) of my teenager life without having a “significant other” or being involved in a romantic relationship. There’s security in the company of good friends and family and in the drive to succeed in academics. To quote a Paramore song, “I’ve always lived like this—keeping a comfortable distance.” The idea of shifting my way of life scares me.
But you know what they say: “you gotta face your fears.” So when the time comes for me to face my fear, I’ll stare it down and make it fear itself.
ADDENDA: The term "philophobia" may be ascribed to relatusphobia. The difference is that the former is the fear of falling in love and the latter is the fear of being in a romantic relationship (that is, being in a structure that leads to "falling in love).
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