Saturday, January 30, 2010

Mutual Faithfulness

I guess it would only be fair that if a person is faithful to another, then that other person would be faithful as well. If a person is faithful to me, I believe so that I will be too. As a matter of fact, I think it’s a must.

Then again, maybe I will be only so if I have the willingness to be faithful. If I can feel that the friendship or relationship isn’t worth it, then I probably won’t.

The Most Important Possession

Ice Breaker card reads: What is the most important possession in your house? Why?

Since food is a basic necessity, I would consider the refrigerator the most important possession in our house. It stores our food, making them last longer and more suitable for consumption.

For a moment, I was going to say “computer” as the answer to the Ice Breaker question, then I remembered that it doesn’t fall under the basic necessities in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Feeling of Being Inadequate

We have our insecurities. I admit I have my own. They’re my personal demons I battle and sometimes I’m not at the winning end.

I admit that there are times when I felt really inadequate. When a guy a like chooses my friend over me, I get this feeling that I’m just not good enough for that guy. Sometimes I feel too that I am inadequate when I don’t do as well as I aim to when it comes to my academic life.

Everyday I battle my demons of insecurities. Every day I try to live in positivity.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: S.O.S by Good Charlotte

“Is anybody listening?” I asked myself the same question during my early teenage years. “S.O.S” is among those songs which served as a cry for help.

The song became relatable during a time in my life when I was still trying to get past the resentment I felt towards my parents.

But now I’m past that stage in my life. I’m past asking for S.O.S.

American Dreams

I picked out an intriguing question from my deck of Ice Breaker cards. It reads: “What particular country in the world would you like to see? Why?”

Given an opportunity to travel the country, I would like to see the United States of America. I want to see the country not because it’s the picturesque country some people make it out to be, but I want to see the grime and grit, the REAL life there in that country. Although if you’re going to tell me that I would have to live, I believe I’m going to have to turn down that offer. If I’ll ever set foot on that country, it would only be under visiting purposes, not for immigration purposes.

I’d like to see the glam and dirt in the City of Angels and the City That Never Sleeps. I’d like to see for myself why what happens in Vegas truly has to stay in Vegas. I want to experience it all.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dream On!

“What would you dream about if suddenly you won or inherited a fortune?”

If at this very moment, I won or inherited a fortune, I would allot a portion of it for my studies, I would share a huge amount to my parents and sister, and of course, I would buy whatever I want in this world.

I’d get a good real estate for my family, a better and bigger house to live in where the dogs can run around and I can have a huge room to myself to work on my writing. I would buy new gadgets for me and my family, the best ones, the top-of-the-line gadgets that will work best.

In short, I would buy everything I ever wanted.

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Halo by Bethany Joy Lenz


“One thing is clear/ I wear a halo/ I wear a halo when you look at me/ But standing from here/ You wouldn’t say so/ You wouldn’t say so if you were me/ And I/ And I just want to love you...”

I was in junior year when I first heard this song and instantly loved it. There was a guy I liked and every time he was around or every time he made eye contact with me, I would feel like an angel with a halo flying on cloud nine. But he had no clue I felt that way so I wanted to get down from the pedestal. I’m an imperfect person. And I want to be accepted for that.

But other than that, the song is significant to me because it’s a soundtrack to one of my favorite TV shows of all time: One Tree Hill.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Literary Piece: A Life From a New Perspective

Originally written: November 22, 2009

“Miss Murder” blares through my ears. I try to be deaf—to the reality, the disappointment, and the embarrassment. The words of the song don’t really coincide with how I’m feeling. But who cares? I’m just here to deliver a verbose mystery.

I want to scream! I want to shear what keep me bound and keep me from the world! I want to feel some form of rush because I am very sick of living a partially boring, fucked up life! True, I have reasons for happiness, but I thirst for more. My knuckles turn white and I tremble as the rage builds up. Set me free!

I want to live my life from a new perspective. No heartbreaks. No dullness. No naivety. I hunger for risks, freedom. I dare myself to be daring.

So allow me to shear those that hold me back. Allow me to change. Allow me to not give a fuck anymore to the people who don’t appreciate me for who I am. Allow me to take this new perspective. I want to live by that perspective.

Five All-Time Favorite Lady GaGa Songs


BAD ROMANCE
Believe it or not, I find this song relatable. I’ve been caught in a bad romance before. All I’m saying to the person I relate this song to: “J'veux ton amour. Et je veux ton revenge. J'veux to amour.
I don't wanna be friends.”

EH, EH (NOTHING ELSE I CAN SAY)
This song is a LITTLE bit relatable. Actually, this and the preceding song are under the same situations in my life.

POKER FACE
This song is like a guilty pleasure to me. It’s irresistible, catchy, and definitely allows me to let go of my inhibitions when I enjoy it. Plus, it’s a really sexy song, too.

LOVEGAME
Oh, another guilty pleasure song. It’s definitely a sexy song and that’s what I love about it.

SPEECHLESS
The best thing about this song is that it shows how vocally talented Lady GaGa is. She’s beyond her eccentricity. This song proves that she can definitely sing.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

10-All Time Favorite Michael Jackson Songs


I’ve thought about it, and now the final list is here. I have finally thought of all of my favorite Michael Jackson songs and put them on this list. Here are my top 10 all-time favorite Michael Jackson songs:

Man In The Mirror
- The song has impactful lyrics that always awaken my spirit every time I listen to the song. It’s my number all-time favorite Michael Jackson song because it’s a chilling song to listen to—especially when you let the meaning of the song sink in. The song is a strong, relevant-for-all-time song.

Scream
- This song could always be counted as tied with “Man In The Mirror”. The aggression is irresistible, the lyrics are full of attitude I can’t help but project, and the song makes me get up and dance. It’s a song I listen to when I’m irked, when I just want to scream “Stop pressuring me!”

The Way You Make Me Feel
- I remember when I first heard this song: it was when I was watching “Center Stage”, and I remember being ensnared by the way the song was used in the scene. But as for the song in itself, I like the sweet lyrics it has. I like the song’s melody and beats. The song makes me want to just get up, dance, and let go of the things that make life so haggard.

Beat It
- The best thing about “Beat It” is the rock and roll vibe it shares with the funk and r n’ b tune that MJ was known for. Furthermore, the guitar solo just really kicks ass. Fall Out Boy did an awesome cover version too, by the way.

They Don’t Care About Us
- I remember truly appreciating the song after seeing the video clip of Michael Jackson rehearsing the song in his should-have-been comeback concert. I remember how Orianthi Pangaris was rocking the guitars and how the dancers had their cool G.I Joe-ish dance moves. The song has great, “protest” like lyrics that seek racial equality, and the beats, well, how can you not nod your head to them?

Thriller
- Now, how can you not like “Thriller”? it’s one of the best songs to goof-dance to at Halloween, and even on regular days.

Billie Jean
- From the hypnotic base line and snare beat to the danceable beats, “Billie Jean” is truly a great song. I like the song, however, because Chris Cornell made a cover version that was absolutely his own.

Black or White
- I remember this video playing on MTV when I was a kid. I remember the cool morphing technology, and Macaulay Caulkin being a guest in the video. But what makes me consider the song a part of this list is that the song has timely lyrics: “It don’t matter if you’re black or white”. That line says so much for our time.

You Rock My World
- This song came out in my generation. I believe I was 10 years old when the song came out. I wasn’t much of a Michael Jackson fan back then, but I remember liking the song when it came out. The lyrics have a romantic, sweet sense in them. And the song’s also one of MJ’s songs that makes me want to just dance.

Smooth Criminal
- I first heard the song when Alien Ant Farm did their rock version of the song. Comparing both the original and cover version, I would say that both are awesome, kick ass songs. Besides, that anti-gravity lean? How can you not be amazed by it?



1661 Most Significant Songs In My Life: Complicated by Avril Lavigne


The year was 2002. Bubble-gum/commercial pop was declining in popularity and rock was beginning its rebirth in the twenty-first century.

I was eleven years old when Avril Lavigne first came to the music scene. Her debut single “Complicated” made her an instant hit. And I was definitely paying attention.

Her music, especially through this song, allowed me to break out of the pop genre and listen to other genres. The way I looked and listened to music was no longer the since Avril Lavigne came around.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Literary Piece: It’s Do or Die

Author’s Comment: Who would have thought that the nervousness of getting your grades could be a source for writing piece?



Originally written: October 26, 2009


Heart beats overtime as I stand in line. Pass or fail? Victory or failure? I mustn’t entertain thoughts of doom. I must keep my vision clear: “Pass them all, 100%.”

The line moves and my knees weaken. It’s do or die, moment of truth, sink or swim. There’s no turning back now. Everyone else waits anxiously, some hiding it by talking incessantly. As we reach the end of the line, I grow quiet. At this point I’m overwhelmed by contradicting emotions. It really is do or die at this point.

I reach the end of the line and wait. That familiar piece of pink paper that bears my name is taken away from the rest and my heart races double time. I turn it face down and move away from the line.

My eyes fall to the lower part of the page and see: 100%. YES! Victory is mine! The optimism and determination have been rewarded. With faith ever so strong, I was blessed: I passed every one of my subjects. Another dream come true.

Literary Piece: The Narcissist and The Masochist

Author’s Note: This is not about me. Nor is it about the people around me.


Originally written: October 30, 2009



They were never in love. She hungered for fame. He longed to be taken care of after being abandoned all his life.

They shot the sunshine into their veins and snorted all day long. You call that love?

She dangled his hopes over an abyss. Naïve, he just did as she pleased, without thinking twice. His spirit just tuned in, dropped out, switched on, switched off, and exploded.

He let his “love” for her annihilate what kept him strong before she came strutting along—his art, his friends, his sanity. The moment he said “I do”, he lost his soul.

As the romance faded, her true colors came out: a manipulative whore who wanted nothing more than attention. He withdrew and she threw herself to all she wanted. Ladies and gentlemen, the narcissist and the masochist! The celebrated couple will perform their celebrated ballad in ten minutes, guaranteed to be a splendid sight for you all.

She imprisoned him for years as she basked the glory that he deserved. The cunning witch deprived the world of true art when she reduced him to his self-deprecation.

And the world never got to see him rise up once more. Five shots to the back and he’s gone. No one was there to catch him as he fell and drowned in the crimson sea.

On the other hand, she’s still here, stinking up like a beetle dung and souring up the memory of a man who could have been a better man if it weren’t for her.


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Faithfulness is Love’s Confidence

I have faith in love. That faith is the belief that when the time is right, I will have my turn in true love. I try to keep that faithfulness with confidence that it’ll come true because faithfulness is love’s confidence.

Love stays alive because of the strength-giver which is faithfulness. Look at relationships; they mostly stay strong because of the faithfulness of the people who are involved. These people have faith in their relationship, that’s why things work out. They have confidence in the relationship.

Faithfulness is love’s confidence. I keep on believing in that.

People, events, or ideas?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “Great minds discuss idea; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Well, what about those people who discuss a variety of the three? I’m the kind of person who discusses people, events, and ideas. I will admit that I talk about people (positively and negatively). I discuss events and ideas, too.

So do I have a great mind, an average mind, or a small mind? Really, I don’t care.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Come Together by The Beatles


Out of all The Beatles’ songs, I consider “Come Together” as my favorite. The lyrics are gibberish, the original isn’t as hard rocking as the cover versions, but I still like the song.

American Idol season 8 winner Kris Allen performed the song on the show and through his version of the song I became curious about The Beatles. I became a fan of The Beatles since. However, I have to say that I liked Kris Allen’s version better. His version is fun to listen and sing along to, even if the lyrics don’t make much sense to me.
As I grew fond of the song, I found other versions of the song by other artists. The late great Michael Jackson made a pop version of the song that makes me want to dance along. Also, Joe Cocker did a version of the song that was featured on the movie “Across The Universe”. Cocker’s take on the song gave a Blues vibe to the song, giving it a dark feeling to it. Other artists such as Carly Smithson and Aerosmith did their own respective versions of the songs. There are many more versions of the songs, though, not just the ones I mentioned.

The song’s been presented in various styles, all of which make me love the song even more. This goes to show how I am able to appreciate different styles of music. So no matter what genre “Come Together” is sang, I know that it’s a song that makes me happy and carefree.

Had a bad day?

Then watch this video and laugh your ass off.

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: High by The Speaks

In a temporary moment of personal distraught and confusion, a song comes on and soothes its listener. “You’ve got to hold your head up high.”

The song became significant during a time when I dealt with heartache. I was caught in the midst of confusion and pain that go with love. Amidst all that, the song reminded me how I should just hold my head up high.

Monday, January 18, 2010

An Open Letter

Dear “Justified Order Causes Oppression”,

I know that I’ve apologized before for dodging you after spending some time getting to know you and becoming friends with you. After some time, we were back to normal. But, oh, no, I went astray again and ducked my head or looked somewhere else whenever you were around. What am I afraid of—you or our friendship… or the fact that our friendship will always be just that?

I will admit: it’s not easy being friends with you especially when some part of me wants more. Another part of me wants us to stop being friends because of the desire of something more. That desire likewise has got to go.

But you know what? If our destinies are written by the same hands, then they’ll find their way to each other. Allow me with my space and I’ll allow you with yours. If it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be.

Memoir – 12/01/09 20:22

In life, sometimes you just have to try new things, to take risks. Because life becomes bland when you play it safe and routinely.

Imagine a refillable pen. When the ink fades and eventually runs out, you gotta take that pen out and throw it. You then put in a refill and start anew—writing fresher, clearer, and bolder.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Whatever by Our Lady Peace

“Whatever” is a reminder and a tribute to the greatness of the late great pro-wrestler Chris Benoit. Listening to the riff will remind you of the exciting head butts, the awesome cross face, and every other move popularized by The Rabid Wolverine.

Aside from that, the song is significant to me because I got to “know” of it by being a viewer of the WWE. Furthermore, I got to be a fan of Our Lady Peace because “Whatever” sparked my intrest.

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) by Michael Jackson


It wasn’t until Danny Gokey performed “P.Y.T.” on TV that I got to be familiar with the song. Usually a balladeer, Danny Gokey had his best “upbeat” performance with this song. He made it current and fun with his soulful voice. Through that, this fun song relieves me of my stress when I listen to it after a tiring day.

On a personal note, “P.Y.T” is significant to me because my friend used the song as a code name for someone I like. Basically, “P.Y.T.” turned into “Prt” (a math formula) to “Pretty Arki” (the guy I liked was an Architecture student). From then on, the jokes flash back to me when I listen to the song.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Major Problem of ‘09

Fill in and share: “One major problem I had to solve this year was…”

I have a major problem when it comes to reacting properly when I end up in the losing end when I find out that it won’t work with the guy I like. My martyr complex comes out or I get too emotional whenever I do end up in the losing end.

By the end of 2009, I learned to deal with the problem. I began embracing myself for who I am and who I’m not. Furthermore, I focused on the good things in life—like good friends and family, my school work, and my writing career. I just assure myself that one day MY day will really come when it’s meant to.

Besides, it’s not about pleasing those boys. Too bad if they didn’t like me for who I am. I would’ve been a catch. (Now don’t mistake that for arrogance. It’s confidence, something I hardly let out.)

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Lose Yourself by Eminem


“If you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, one moment—would you capture it or just let it slip?”

I was in fifth grade when this song first came out. I remember being able to memorize every rhyme and verse and how I would rap them with some of my guy friends. Oh, my younger days.

Until now the song is a strong reminder for me to keep pursuing my dreams, to seize opportunities, because who knows? You might only get one shot so you can’t take your chances of blowing the opportunity.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts (Danny Gokey)


In an episode of American Idol, Danny Gokey performed “What Hurts The Most” wherein my appreciation for music was brought to a higher level. Danny Gokey was singing from his personal experience of loss (his wife had died before he joined the show). I saw the sadness in his eyes and heard the longing in his voice. His performance is the only Idol performance to ever bring me to the brink of tears, especially when he cried out “Come back to me”. Those words aren’t even part of the song’s lyrics. But I guess that’s part of Danny’s greatness: his ability to move people when he sings. As a matter of fact, I still get chills whenever I listen to his performance of the song.

Aside from Danny Gokey’s memorable rendition of the song, “What Hurts The Most” is significant to me because it reminds me of that person who could have been The One. The song expresses my regret of not doing anything to let that person know how I feel. The only thing I ever really got to do is write a literary piece inspired by this song. To this day I wish I have done more.

Falling In & Out of Love

Now here’s an Ice Breaker question I am damn hesitant to answer. I’m nervous about disclosing the answer to the question because it’s quite revealing. It’s something a lot of people don’t know.

The question is: Do you often fall in love?

Love? What does that mean? How do you qualify a feeling for a person as love and not infatuation or love?

I’ve fallen in love, but I’ve never been fallen for. I’ve never fallen hard, and for that I am thankful. Whenever I feel like love is running through the veins of my body, I try to flush out by walking away or by distracting myself. In short, I rationalize and rationalize to the point of irrationality until I fall out of love.

Love? It’s too scary. It’s too life-changing.

Rebel With a Cause

An Ice Breaker card reads: Would you rather go to jail on a point of principle? Why?

In order to answer this card, I imagine a state in the Philippines where total annihilation of freedom of expression is implemented. If ever right to liberty no longer exists and I happen to fight for that principle and consequentially I go to jail for that, then maybe, yes, I would allow myself to be thrown to jail on a point of principle.

I believe in liberty. I believe in freedom of expression. And if I have to be thrown to jail because I exercise my right to express myself, then maybe I’ll take the risk.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: It’s My Life by Bon Jovi

I’m not a Bon Jovi fan, however, “It’s My Life” is a great song you can’t help but like. The song is about living life in one’s own terms, something I believe in. Furthermore, the song’s music adds to the energy of the lyrics, making the song sound anthemic.

In some way, the song’s also one of my personal anthems.

Ten All-Time Favorite Kelly Clarkson Songs


CRY
Out of all of Kelly Clarkson’s songs, this would be the most relatable for me. As I write this blog, I’m at a time in my life, where heartbreak came my way and this song is the most comforting, most relevant song for me to listen to. Singing allowed me to unleash whatever it was I felt—hurt, disappointment in myself. The song is perfectly relatable to a moment in my life, that’s why it’s significant to me.

MISS INDEPENDENT
This song is the first Kelly Clarkson song I considered a favorite. I even gave myself the alias of “Miss Independent” when I was twelve years old. Sometimes the song can be relatable as well.

LONG SHOT
The chorus was applicable to me during the summer semester of ’09. Until now I relate the song to some of my personal experiences, just to remind myself that even if something seems like a long shot, i should still take my chances and say “why not?” to things.

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER
The song has lyrics I don’t exactly relate to, but still I find them beautiful and sweet. I got to appreciate the song fully when I read a CSI:NY fan fiction that used the song.

SOBER
I don’t exactly know how, but I sometimes feel like I could relate to this song. When I listen to the song, I get that feeling that it is something I can relate to. Maybe that’s because I think of my own life whenever I listen to this song, that’s why it feels like it’s relatable to me.

ALL I EVER WANTED
The lyrics in this song were something I was able to relate to when I was in the second year of my college life. All I ever really wanted was to get over this guy who only ended up breaking my heart without even knowing he ever did.

MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU
This is a song I would probably dedicate to a significant other… if I ever had one. Forgive me for my choice of adjective, but I think the song has really cute lyrics. I mean, there’s a person in your life who drives you crazy (in a good way… wait, how’s that even possible?) and yet you can’t live without that person. It’s a common dynamic in any relationship… and I have yet to know what that’s really like.

ALREADY GONE
Like “Cry”, “Already Gone” became relevant to me during that said time in my life. Some of the lyrics are words I would dedicate to the person involved in that situation, like “I love you enough to let you go.” And I try my very best to really let that person go.

SINCE U BEEN GONE
The song’s great to sing along to when you want to vent your rage after life’s heartbreaks and whatnot. I know I like singing along to when I feel like I have a broken heart.

I DO NOT HOOK UP
I know I don’t hook up, and this song is my anthem to that.




Monday, January 11, 2010

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: My Heart by Paramore

“This heART, it beats, beats for only you... my heART is yours.”

That used to be a tease or joke thrown at me because there’s this guy I liked. The song served as wordplay for my friend who would joke me now and then with it.

Now every time I hear “My Heart” I am reminded of that person.

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Start of Something New (High School Musical OST)

The song’s significance in my life is pretty simple: I once used featured it in one of the fan fictions I wrote for “CSI:NY”.

There were some parallelisms between the scene in the movie where the song was featured and how the song was used in the short story. I used the song as the song my two lead characters sang as a duet when they first met. The very same thing holds true for the movie.

Writing inspiration—it’s the song’s basic significance in my life.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

11/30/09 – Memoir

If the pictures my mind creates when I dream were reality, then I would probably be truly happy right now. If every kiss and every touch were real, then I wouldn’t be fixed on wishful thinking.

My mind plays tricks on me by showing me those images of you and me. Or is my heart the one tricking me by shutting out what it truly desires?

Maybe it’s afraid of being hurt again so it builds this fence that shuts out what it shouldn’t: love, freedom, trust. It shouldn’t. It must stop building a guard and instead it must trust.

Memoir – 12/01/09 19:44

Taking risks means not having to care about what other people will say. It’s about taking in all their negativity and making them choke as they swallow their words. It’s about radiating with confidence when people compliment you for the risks you take.

There’s no turning back once you’ve risked. You have to go on, head held high. It’s not about pleasing everyone if you can’t be pleased with your self.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

10 Public Figures That Have Influenced Me This Past Decade

In no particular order:


MIKE SHINODA (of Linkin Park)



BRITNEY SPEARS



AVRIL LAVIGNE















J.K. ROWLING



PATRICK STUMP (of Fall Out Boy)




ZACKY VENGEANCE (of Avenged Senvefold)



KELLY CLARKSON




















REY MYSTERIO



JOHN CENA




PEYTON SAWYER (as played by Hilarie Burton)

Literary Piece: Two

Author’s Note: It’s not what you think.

Originally written: November 3, 2009

He’s staring at me, waiting for me to tell him what I’m thinking. I stare back politely and say I’m not yet ready. My soul feels unprepared to be bared.

He goes on to mock me with his blank face. Sometimes he just blinks in synchrony to the ticking clock. As for me, I just clutch to my guard and not let a glimpse of my flesh show. He’s waiting for me to give myself to him.

He comforts me. He says “Trust me. I will protect you every step of the way. As you touch me, I’ll lead you. We will move in synchrony.”

All of a sudden we are one. He did as he promised: he led me as we moved in synchrony. More importantly he made me feel safe. I poured my heart, I poured my soul. He took them with respect. As the ink dries up, I’m glad to say: we did it.

Monday, January 4, 2010

10 Most Awesome Things About The Past Decade That Shaped My Life So Far

The 2000s was a memorable decade. Not all the memories are good, not all are bad, but they shaped my life nonetheless. I picked out ten memorable and (wait for it) AWESOME moments/facts from the past decade.

10. Reading books by Bob Ong and Paulo Coelho that taught me a lot about life (like love, school, dealing with trials that come, etc.).

9. The Harry Potter phenomenon made me love literature and that's a huge help for me as a writer.

8. Technology in the form of the internet helped me establish myself as a writer especially with blogs. Social networking sites and text messages helped me maintain relationships.

7. Watching great movies and TV shows that made me laugh, cry, think, hold my breath, and most of all inspire me in my writing and influence me positively with how I look at life.

6. Listening to great musicians like Linkin Park, Avenged Sevenfold, Fall Out Boy, Papa Roach, Paramore, American Idol contestants, to name some.

5. Graduating from elementary and high school, then entering college.

4. Pursuing my passion for writing by blogging, joining the school newspaper staff in high school senior year, writing fan fictions, and having an essay published in one the city's local newspapers.

3. Establishing friendships with people who deserve to be called "true" and severing ties with people who were hazardous to my mental and emotional health.

2. My family being able to pull through BS. (I don't know if this qualifies as "awesome", but the fact that we really pulled through is... wait for it, awesome!)

1.  Good and bad experiences (that are too many to be mentioned) that taught me about love, life, faith, and life itself.

Ice Breaker Question


“Would you die a martyr for our country? Why?”

Many brave individuals before me have died martyrs for the Philippines—Jose Rizal, Ninoy Aquino, to name some. Even the latter is quoted for his famous saying: “The Filipinos are worth dying for.”

But if you ask me if I would die a martyr for our country, I would say that I will. If and only if I die for a good cause, that is, if I do it while fighting corruption and poverty. But at my age and my still self-centered (i.e. myself, my dreams, and the people around me) way of thinking, I would probably say “no” just for now.

Allow me to truly feel my sense of pride as a Filipino. Then I shall say “yes” to that question, without even answering the “why”.

IMAGE SOURCE

Literary Piece: For The Benefit of The Heartless Girl

Author's Note: This is inspired by The Beatles' "For The Benefit of Mr. Kite".


Originally written: October 5, 2009

For the benefit of the heartless girl,
I’m leaving her alone
With her anger and her hate
Oh, bitterness is her only taste!
She has turned into a hypocrite,
Plentiful of shh…

“The person you’ve become”
Or is it “the person that you are”?
I couldn’t give a fuck or damn
Just as you know that I am done
Did you feel that? Never mind
Why should I put up with someone so unkind?

Her best friends, they come and go
Too bad she doesn’t pay them as if they’re hoes
She pulls and pushes them away
Like rubber bands that flick, that never stays
Her anger’s a bombshell, pull the pin
Don’t forgive her, she doesn’t with others’ sins

Heartless girl, you will realize,
See through your hating eyes,
You’ll end up along with anger
With no one to make you feel better
As for me, well, I’m walking on!
Sayonara, I hope you fall!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

10 Most Awesome Things About My 2009

Another year has passed and a new one is unfolding. My 2009 was a good one, for the most part. I received blessings, I shed tears, I smiled, I laughed, I loved and hated. There were plenty of awesome times, and this blog counts down those awesome moments.

10. Becoming fan of shows like Gossip Girl, So You Think You Can Dance, Grey's Anatomy, and America's Next Top Model.

9. Listening to awesome records from artists like Kris Allen (self-titled), Allison Iraheta (Just Like You), Lady GaGa (The Fame and The Fame Monster), Daughtry (Leave This Town), Papa Roach (Metamorphosis), Kelly Clarkson (All I Ever Wanted), and Paramore (Brand New Eyes). These favorite musicians of mine filled my 2009 with their new (in some cases debut) albums.

8. Watching long-awaited movies like Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen and Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince.

7. Watching fantastic moments in my favorite TV shows like seeing the inspirational Kris Allen win American Idol and seeing Lucas and Peyton get married and have a family on One Tree Hill.

6. Turning 18 on June 8. I spent the day with my family, we had lunch together, and shopped for my gifts. It was also touching to receive birthday greetings from my friends, family members from far away, and acquaintances via the net.

5. Finishing my first year in college without failing any subject.

 4. Establishing myself as a blogger under the pen name P. Viron, creating a Twitter page to help put myself out there, and creating my Facebook fan page.

3. Realizing who my real friends are and who have the potential to be one. There were people whom I thought were going to be my long-time friends, but they eventually showed their dark yet true colors.

2. Writing "Into My Web" and "The Only Exception". Not only are they inspired by songs of the same title, but I was influenced by what were happening in my life. The stories had a lot to do with my perspectives on love and life that I got to mold during 2009.

1. Becoming a more faithful and confident person. My personal faith has nothing to do with religion; it's more about faith in life, people, and myself. As for confidence, it improved in 2009 and hopefully by 2010 it will be something I have down to a science.

2009 was great, if not AWESOME for me, and now that I feel it in my heart than I'm becoming a better person, I hope that 2010 will be AWESOME as well.


The Worst Fights

One of the worst fights I ever got into was with one of my “friends” back in high school. Technically, it wasn’t my war to fight, but I got involved anyway because I got my friend’s back. I won’t go into deep details, but in the end we severed ties with that friend.

It’s one of the worst fights I ever got into because, well, after all, it was with someone I thought was going to be one of my life-long friends. I admit I felt kind of bad getting into the fight when it wasn’t my battle, but it’s behind me now. Maybe my friendship with that person was not meant to last for a long time.

1661 Most Significant Songs in My Life: Take Me by Papa Roach


The song came to me at a right time. It was senior year, the most emotionally-filled year in high school. I felt pressure along with my enjoyment.

During the days I felt down, “Take Me” was one of the songs I listened to. The song mirrored my loneliness, the coma my soul was in.

I wanted to be taken and let in, until the pain and confusion went away.

Friday, January 1, 2010

FICTIONAL STORY: The Only Exception by P. Viron

Author’s Note: This is a work of fiction inspired by the song “The Only Exception” by Paramore. Please do not mistake the character’s point of view as my own narrative.

Originally written: December 24, 2009-December 28, 2009

Most love stories tell us how two people find each other in a world of veritable bliss and misery—and fall madly in love with each other. Two people go through life’s hardships before finally, the gentle wind of destiny blows them towards the other person who they are meant to be with.

But what about those who fall in love, but aren’t exactly fallen for? Are their stories mere tragedies because their love was too strong to be reciprocated?

My story is nothing like Romeo and Juliet’s or Samson and Delilah’s. My story is pretty simple. It’s about me finding a different kind of love—loving someone without expecting anything in return, not even a reciprocation of my feelings.

Looking back on the first time I saw him—standing in front of our class during a group presentation—I honestly didn’t count on going as deep as falling for him. In that moment, I was just taken by surprise and I thought he was cute. I thought that was just that, a physical attraction. Period. There’s a good-looking guy in class and he had every potential to be an eye candy. For a couple of months it seemed that way, until curiosity grew and I began to take more notice of him.

As the curiosity grew, so did my self-confidence. I used to have self-deprecating thoughts whenever I liked a guy; however, this time I didn’t think that I wasn’t “pretty enough” or “good enough” for him. If it would feel like I wasn’t, it was going to be okay. I could always turn to the next guy who has the same potential to be a crush.

Swallowing my pride and beating my fear, I took my growing sense of bravery and befriended him. It made me happy when we instantly clicked. We shared the same interest in music and knowledge in gadgets, and somehow our humor matched—my witty, pun-filled humor and his wisecracks. I will admit, we were flirty with each other.

And so a friendship developed. My determination to get to know him turned into the two of us getting to know each other. It felt good to do something brave, no matter how simple it was, and to be rewarded with the gift of friendship.

The friendship allowed my mind and heart to open up to the possibility of something more than “just” a friendship. I mean, there was definitely flirting mixed in the friendship—there were teasing (verbal and non-verbal, but don’t expect me to elaborate on that), laughter, and subtle come ons. Deep inside I admit a butterfly of feelings I can’t put a name to fluttered around the pit of my stomach until it finally reached my heart. What’s this? What’s this feeling that made my heart pump more blood than it usually does, made my palms sweat like a kid in gym class, and the muscles of my face work together to form a widening of my lips to show an emotion of happiness?

“It must have been infatuation, a simple fleeting crush that would eventually wear out.” I assured myself with those words and I went by with my life thinking just that. All those physiological spikes are just products of infatuation.

But all my rationalizing didn’t stop me from realizing that this guy popped my heart’s seams. I kept seeing him in my dreams and I kept feeling gleeful whenever he was around. At this point I felt a transition in my outlooks in life.

I used to believe that love doesn’t last or that love stories were just fabricated by the Romantics. Now my mind was opening up to the possibility of love. All those love stories I read in books or watch in movies, I could possibly feel them with him. A smile lingered on my face as I thought about it—his firm but soft finger blades brushing against my skin, his full and luscious-looking lips locking with mine, his masculine cologne filling my nose with a whiff as he pulls me close to him, his big arms keeping me warm... I’m not usually the one who fantasizes, but I couldn’t stop. I could truly imagine myself being with him.

Then slowly, my smile faltered. The picture I just drew is a huge contrast to the life I comfortably live—the independence, the no-strings-attached—and I’m so used to that kind of life that the possibility of its major alteration scared me. I’ll go from spending plenty of free time with my circle of friends to spending exclusive time with him as my “special someone”. There will be dates, monthsaries, and whatnot. There’s this exclusivity with someone, which is something I never had in my life.

I was so occupied by those thoughts that over the upcoming days I avoided him. I ducked possibilities of engaging in conversations with him. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him.

Oh, you all might be wondering what his name is. Well, that’s a secret I’ll never tell. This story is not about me imparting a story; it’s about me telling a story with the hope that whoever reads it will learn from it (maybe even relate to it). Maybe we, the characters, aren’t the stars of the story—it’s the story itself.

I digressed, so now it’s to go back to the story. I avoided him and I admit it felt awful doing so. He and I were becoming good friends and for reasons unknown to him, I was acting like I didn’t know him. The guilt kicked me in the shin when one of my friends pointed out the elephant in the room.

She thought it was a shame that I was letting a good friend slip because I had feelings for that person. And damn it, she was right. So, ignoring the fact that I wanted more than just a friendship, I got back to acting like things were back to normal. I sent a text message to him, apologizing for how I have been acting strange around him. I don’t know whether or not he was playing with me, but he told me he didn’t notice the sudden change in my behaviour towards him. I don’t know if I should have been embarrassed or relieved. Anyway, I felt happy because we were back to normal.

As the friendship went on, there was a growing feeling in my heart. My heart raced whenever he was around, a smile formed in my face when we conversed, and, oh, he still appeared in my dreams almost every night. In my dreams we were in love, probably a product of my dreams of being with him in a romantic context.

I was, for the first time in a long time, irrevocably feeling a little thing called LOVE. Long ago I have shut out love from my life, having been disappointed with loving someone and not being loved in return. I practically gave my all to make that person love me—doing simple favors for him, conversing with him until dawn—but he didn’t find it in him to reciprocate my feelings. His heart belonged to someone else so I had to let him go. There was no point in loving a person who was not going to love me in return. It was too painful and too tragic.

Now it feels like love is re-entering my heart. It broke the guard I kept around me for more than a year. I was falling in love with someone... secretly. I decided to keep my feelings to myself because I wanted to be sure that this time I won’t crash and burn. I needed to trust in him, the object of my affection, that he won’t hurt me the way I’ve been hurt in my past because I won’t stand the pain.

When I went on for days with this secret love, some instinct in my gut told me he didn’t feel the same way. Reality itself presented me with pieces of evidence that his heart belonged with someone else: his phone’s wallpaper was of a pretty girl with long black hair and full brown eyes and a fashion sense that’s straight out of Candy magazine, his Facebook wall was flooded with e-mails from the same girl, and I’ve seen them together plenty of times in campus. (Although experience tells me that there are instances in life that are more than meets the eye, including a boy and girl who could possible be just friends.)

And then there’s the fact that no matter how many hints I would drop, no matter how many blogs about him I would post on my website, he didn’t get the fact that I was indeed falling in love with him. To him, I was a friend, someone to talk with or turn to for help when needed. That’s all I ever was to him while the blood in my veins boiled with passion of yearning for more.

To me, he could be the one who will make a difference in the world by eliminating one less lonely girl. I felt an undeniable spark when we spent time together. And I could not ignore the fact that we had a lot in common... and that a couple of my friends told me we look good together.

I was on a one-sided love affair. My heart told me for sure that I was in love. This one person occupies my thoughts and inspires me to do what I love—art. Countless poems, stories, drawings, and sketches have been made by my own hands because of my feelings for him. At this point I’m probably still bordering on infatuation, but I believe it is love.

Being in love with him allowed me to have a new perspective. I took risks by stepping out a little from my comfort zone. For someone who used to shyly hide behind books and just admire a guy from a distance, developing my feelings for him allowed me to step out of that. I looked at beauty, meaning, and art in ways I haven’t perceived before.

But then there’s the fact that he has feelings for someone else. They aren’t exactly officially a couple, but they’re as good as one. The impending fat that they’ll be on a two-sided love story and I’ll be on my own, loving him from my comfortable distance scared me. And it made me think as well: was I being a masochist for loving a narcissist?

I couldn’t allow myself to get hurt by falling in love when love isn’t supposed to let you feel any sort of pain. It’s supposed to please you, make you smile, and most of all, protect you from pain.

So I distracted myself by focusing on academics and other productive activities. I found every excuse to bond with my friends, going out for lunches and laughing and fooling around campus. By doing so, I realized that I can still love someone and not have to wait in agony or in vain. I realized that the comfort of good friends is a great feeling because it uplifts you from the disappointments. As a matter of fact, I thought as well that love was not necessary in my life when I have a lot to focus on. I’d rather not love at all than to love and get hurt along the way. That mistake was made before and it wasn’t going to be made again.

Besides, even if I did pursue my feelings for him, I don’t want my life to be altered by the effects of my feelings. The fears I had were coming back to me.

Then again, I love him. And I knew it. I can rationalize all I want; it still won’t eradicate the persisting feeling that I was in love with an imperfect guy—he had no idea I had feelings for him as more than just a friend and he had the tendency to be a jerk when he’s with guy friends. He’s not exactly the sweetest, the most thoughtful, and the most caring guy on the planet—somehow I didn’t care. Love made me look past those imperfections. Besides, if you can’t looks past people’s imperfections, how will you find the one for you? Nobody’s perfect so if you keep setting up standards, you’ll find great people but some of them won’t fulfil your standards. Then you’ll be disappointed every time that happens. So broaden your mind. Learn to love people who they are, who they’re not, and who they want to be because they’ll do the same to you. If they don’t, then they’re not the one you should be with.

So I went on with life, secretly loving him. By loving him, I felt free. I didn’t own him and I didn’t have to. I loved him and expected nothing in return—not even his love. Yes, I know better now than I did when I landed on this exactly the same situation over a year ago. The difference is that I love someone without expecting anything in return. I accepted the reality that the love won’t become mutual.

I can’t beg him to love me back because I want him to love me out of his own will. If that won’t happen, I’ll find the courage and grace to accept that.

For loving him is like me looking at my reflection on a lake. If the water is agitated, I can not look into it clearly. But if I allow the water to be still, I will see my reflection clearly.

Now some might think I’d leave my feelings for him and give up because he loves another girl. It’s too pathetic and pitiful to love someone who doesn’t have the faintest idea that I do and even if he did, he probably love me back anyway.

I admit that it did hurt to know that this is all a one-sided love affair. I shed my tears, shouted my anguish, and clenched my fists in frequent disappointment. I hung my head low and faked smiles. But with all my best I kept intact the most important things: faith. No matter how tough this is for me, I always believe that my day will come. My dream of true love and bliss will come true. Whatever burden I carry is just a roadblock and I’ll get past it.

So I held on to my feelings, being mindful not to hold on too tightly because doing so would defeat my freedom. I love him without expecting anything and I feel free because of that. I wouldn’t want to lose that freedom.

Call it a tragedy, a bad romance, or nobility, all I know is I’m in love with someone who’s completely unaware that I feel that way and even if he were, he probably won’t equalize those feelings. But that’s okay. Maybe someone will come along and together we’ll share a love story better than I ever imagined. The right person will come. The right time will come. I believe so.

Now I understand in a love that doesn’t have to be mutual and in a love that requires selflessness. Paulo Coelho once wrote that the true experience of love is “having the most important thing in the world without owning it.” And I consider myself... FREE.

Somewhere deep in my soul, I used to believe that love never lasts. It’s as fleeting as a season. And for a while I’ve kept a comfortable distance to the point that I became content with loneliness because whatever risk I took with love wasn’t worth making.

Now, I may have found the only exception to those beliefs. And I’m on my way to believing in love...

FIN


The Rev's Predecessor?

Check out this video of a four-year old little drummer who has MAD drumming skills. His name's Jonah and my gosh, he made my day.

This video is also a celebration of the life of Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan, one of the best drummers who ever lived.

Memoir – 11/24/09

I don’t like what I have become: cold, distant, cynical, easily-provoked. How can someone go from being devout in the faith for true love to someone who embraces Loneliness?

I believe in true love. I want to keep believing in true love. But why is life convincing me lately that the possibility of finding it is uncertain? Must I keep waiting, even if the cold hands of Despair lures me to her pool of doubt?

Love’s been pre-determined by Fate. Two people are created for each other. They’re in this world in order to find each other. The twist of fate is that they’re left on their own to find their way to their destiny. There will be people who will come and affect them—either in a good way or a bad way—until finally they make their way to the right one.

A New Year Message

This is is originally a GM I sent 21 of my friends, but I'd like to share with my other friends/acquaintances/family members who didn't get to receive the message.

Happy New Year, guys!

Thanks for being a part of my 2009, either in a huge way or if we just got acquainted.

I've learned this past year that life ceases unexpectedly so I'm extending my gratitude to y'all.

Make the most out of the next 365 days.

xoxo P. Viron

Ice Breaker: What are the things that you enjoy doing in your spare time?


Call me a nerd, but I enjoy reading and writing when I have a spare time. I travel the world (even worlds that don’t exist) when I read a book without even having to spend much or move around much. I create my own world and sometimes tell the story of my real world when I write. I write my own history when I put into words my life through poems or short stories or blogs. That’s just me. And during my unavoidable lazy days, I enjoy sleeping or watching DVDs during my spare time.